Hey Brewer

I’m still recovering from yesterdays all day baseball-fest as Opening Day hit most of the stadiums across the States. I was on my couch for so long I started to develop hypostasis in my arse and legs. The highlights of the day include:

The Bucs avoiding a 2 out, shouldda been game ending fly ball as if it had been dipped in the plague, allowing the tying runs to score capping off a 5 run bottom of the 9th inning for the Braves. The Bucs did come back and win on the back of X-Man’s 2nd HR.

Johan absolutely dominated the hapless Marlins while Fukudome and Wood make their marks on the North Side and the Cubbies promptly lose.

Needless to say the Bucs, Royals, DRays, and Nats all winning did wonders for El Doctor’s bank account. Don’t worry though, I will end this on the plus side with the bookie…or lose my son. Despite this, here are my official predictions for the upcoming season. Should you find yourself in Las Vegas (or in front of a computer) feel free to heed my advice and win some hard earned money. Continue Reading »

Finally the glory that is baseball has returned.  I’m sure the games in Japan were interesting but the odds of me waking up at 3am to watch two American League teams I don’t care about were slim to say the least.  Last night was a great tease for the..ahem…Happy Ending (according to John Miller) that is todays all day long baseball orgy.  I have my predictions for the upcoming season which will be posted soon.  For now please enjoy the Nats beating the Bravos on the back of Ryan “Not quite David Wright” Zimmerman’s laser to left center in the bottom of the 9th (at least until MLB takes it down):

Mike Francesa and Chris Russo, better known as Mike and the Mad Dog, are probably the biggest sports radio hosts in the country.

They have the afternoon drive slot in New York City, are simulcast on YES across the country, and are comically rich. They also kinda suck. I know its the norm and perhaps a cliché to hate on the biggest stars (e.g. ESPN) but indulge me as we take a look at an example of the utter craptitude these guys spew. Mad Dog is a character and has never really bothered me that much. He plays a bit and says things he knows will piss off Mets, Yankees, Giants, etc. fans. Him being a SF Giants fan and Yankee-hater with general disdain and apathy for the Mets doesn’t help matters either. Francesa on the other hand is about as smug and as pompous as you can get. He think he knows any and everything about sports and lets you know it. He will go on and on and on for 3 hours about damn horse racing which no one under the age of 97 cares about. On top of this, he is a joyless person to listen to. He hates on everything and if you dare challenge him on the air he shouts over top of you and then cuts you off. It is a joy. He also offers little analysis or insight as can be seen in this clip. He will get an idea and repeat it ad nauseum. Today’s rant is about the possible acquisition of Brandon Inge:

Via Awful Announcing

My Padres are/were in China playing the Dodgers. Originally this post was going to be a rant on the fact that they played to a tie!! Then I navigated my way over to the Home Run Derby website and came across something much more interesting, namely pictures of Chinese cheerleaders.

More pics after the jump.

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Well, believe it or not, the Yankees released Billy Crystal today. In a not surprising move, they elected not to keep the inexperienced infielder/designated hitter after his short lived, yet highly famous strikeout. I must admit, after reviewing the at bat, I was actually a slightly impressed he made any contact with the ball whatsoever, managing to foul a couple of 50mph pitches off the end of his bat. Although, at the same time, I think I have faced more wicked pitching in the softball cage at Family Fun Center.

Billy’s first, and last, at bat:

A buddy of mine emailed me this morning with this charming item from True Blue L.A.:

I’ve disappeared for the week because I’m down in Vero Beach right now, and I don’t really have internet access. I’ve got pictures and all that fun stuff queued up that I’ll be able to post in a bit. For now, all I have is one fairly interesting story.

I was talking to a guy that slings hooch at one of the local speakeasies and had Derek Lowe walk in a couple of nights ago. In addition to being with a very beautiful woman, he went on a fairly long rant about why he hates Vin Scully. D-Lowe thinks he’s past his prime and he just tells stories instead of actually calling the game.

I can forgive pretty much anything, but this might be way too big of an offense. Lowe can join Elijah Dukes on the bad citizen list.

Billy Crystal was signed to a minor league contract, for a day, by the NY Yankees. Yesterday he got to live out his dream and get an official Yankee AB. He promptly struck out. Some sports columnist said this was a ‘mockery of the game’ and ruined the great tradition of the Yankees. Others have said this is not a big deal and it is all in fun.

I’m not sure I know how I fall on this matter. In the interest of full disclosure I must state that I loathe the Yankees and I’ve never found Billy Crystal particularly funny (excluding his cameo as Miracle Max in The Princess Bride which was brilliant):

I think overall it is a fun gimmick and I have no problem with it.  Other celebs have done similar things in Spring Training such as Garth Brooks.  My only reservation is that it becomes a thing ‘to do’ for celebrities. Billy Crystal is well known as a huge Yankee fan, he even made a pretty awful movie about Maris’ 61 HR year. But I fear the day when we’ll see Justin Timberlake in a Cubs uniform or Kid Rock in a Tigers uniform or Bill Gates in a Mariners uniform. People whose amount of money and popularity is inversely related to their talent and contributions to American culture should not be given access to play baseball just because they want it. If this comes to pass, then my hatred of the Yankees and Bud Selig will only grow and we can look back at Billy Crystal and curse him for what he has done.

Or none of this will happen and this story will be forgotten by May.

A few links to look at while not doing work at your real job today:

An interesting story about 1/4 of the Cuban soccer team defecting so that they can tryout to play for MLS or USL teams. Political ideologies aside, you have to admire the guts it takes to walk away from your family, friends, and teammates to chase the dream of playing soccer (or baseball, whatever) professionally. Sadly, it appears they were horribly misinformed about the quality of soccer in the MLS.

Joe Girardi might miss the Yanks season opener due to a suspension from the ‘fight’ recently.

Baseball has been trying to expand to new markets, particularly in Asia. This continues again this year with exhibition games set to be played by the Dodgers and Padres in China this weekend and the regular season opening in Japan with Oakland taking on the Sawks. While baseball has taken off in Japan, Korea, and Taiwan, there has been much less success in China.

Apparently a lot of Men’s Hoops teams hopes died yesterday. It would be a lie for me to say I gave two deuces but I know many of you do.  Baseball can’t start quick enough for me.

In a spring training match between the New York Yankees and the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, a brutal play at the plate in which the Yankees catchers wrist was broken, put into motion a tit for tat exchange that ultimately ended in a bench clearing brawl between the two teams. To follow that up, a Devil Ray player was beaned, and the pitcher was ejected. Later in the game, Yankee 2nd baseman Shelley Duncan, son of hard-core pitching coach Dave Duncan, dropped a groin high testicle teaser (Ty Cobb style) slide into 2nd base. While it didn’t seriously injure the Devil Ray player, it looked as though it might leave him in a bed next to our man Felix Pie, commiserating over their tandem testicular troubles. Watch the series of plays that set it off here (video quality is mediocre at best, but worth watching):

Fresh on the heels of Felix Pie’s painful injury comes news of Kaz Matsui.

Astros second baseman Kaz Matsui is expected to miss four or five days after being diagnosed with a condition known as anal fissure.

For the record, an anal fissure is an unnatural crack or tear in the anus skin.

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