Apr 17 2008
Kobe Bryant returns to the scene of his alleged rape crime
So once again I won my fantasy basketball league, and once again it came down to getting lucky with my draft picks. The last two nights of championship week were close, just like the last two minutes of a close basketball game the lead changed back and forth constantly, and I won by three assists.
I figure this makes me as qualified as the next guy to give my 1st round playoff predictions, so here they come after the jump. Let me put this out there first though: Kobe Bryant is about to play a playoff series against the Denver Nuggets, and there isn’t a single story in cyberspace bringing up a very OBVIOUS subplot: namely, the rapist is returning to the scene of the rape. Don’t believe me? Go ahead, google the news for anything about it. I’ll be here after the jump.
1 LAKERS v 8 NUGGETS
The league completely shuts down any attempts by Nugs fans to use the rape case as taunting material and it works. Lakers in 5.
2 HORNETS v 7 MAVERICKS
Welcome to the party, Chris Paul. Now go get your shine box. Not that this isn’t a good team, but it’s just too young to take out these vets. Mavs in 6.
3 SPURS v 6 SUNS
Closest one to call. My gut tells me Shaq/Kobe is going to happen in the Conf Final. Suns in 7, Shaq’s BS-call-fu is stronger than Bowen’s.
4 JAZZ v 5 ROCKETS
Like you have to ask. Jazz in 7.
2 Responses to “Kobe Bryant returns to the scene of his alleged rape crime”
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My knowledge of basketball is equal to my knowledge of cricket. Much like a chick picking NCAA brackets I won’t let that stop me from making bold predictions and getting them all right.
Lakers over Nuggets in 6.
Mavs over Hornets in 7.
Spurs in 5 over Suns. Shaq is in Feenix? Who knew?
Rockets in 6. I refuse to pick a team called “Jazz” when jazz music is the exact opposite of everything that is Utah. In fact, fuck the Lakers, there are thousands of lakes in Minnesota not LA. Nuggets in 6.
Boston over Atl in 4. I hate Atlanta. Shit city, shit fans, shit teams.
Detroit over Philly in 6. See above, replace Atlanta with Philly.
Orlando over Toronto in 5. I don’t know one player on either team.
Cleveland over Washington in 5. I’ve read Lebron is good at this game.
Hey Look, Bill Simmons picked up on my story. I’m so honored.
[quote]The Charles Barkley Award for “Most Awkward Running Subplot That Every TV Talking Head Will Be Terrified to Mention Except Possibly For Barkley If It’s After 1:30 in the Morning Following a TNT Doubleheader”
How ’bout the fact the Lakers-Nuggets series will bring Kobe to a Colorado hotel for four days? Hey now! Let’s just move on before David Stern presses a button and my laptop blows up.[/quote]